


Letters

by Danruu



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-06
Updated: 2015-03-06
Packaged: 2018-03-16 14:12:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3491318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danruu/pseuds/Danruu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompted on tumblr: Dorian finds letters Cullen wrote to Samson. Angst/fluff/One-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Letters

**Author's Note:**

> Short bit of angsty fluff written for a couple of prompts on tumblr. Combined the two and thought I'd pop them up here :)

He hadn’t been snooping. He hadn’t. Dorian had moved into Cullen’s tower because Cullen had asked him to. They’d been courting for months, and they’d finally made the jump to sharing a space. 

Cullen had left him to move in and Dorian had been carefully putting his clothes into the dresser when he’d found the stack of letters. 

He should have let them be, he knew that. But he’d grown up in a house where everything was to be explored and studied just in case. 

Letters. In Cullen’s hand. 

Dorian opened one. 

-

_Dear Sam,_

_I hope you’re well. I know we didn’t part on the best terms in Kirkwall, but I wanted to write to you and tell you about the Inquisition._

_-_

Dorian skims, there’s a lot about the Inquisition, the Inquisitor, what happened with the Chantry before Dorian had ever joined them. It’s a long letter, but it’s the last paragraph that catches his eye. 

-

_I miss you Sammy. I know you don’t want to leave the Templars again but imagine the good you could do here. You could quit the lyrium and be free of the Chantry like you always wanted to be. I could help you. You wouldn’t be alone this time._

_I love you Sam._

_CR_

_-_

He shouldn’t read any more. Dorian knew that. They were Cullen’s letters. Unsent for a reason. Private and personal. Things he’d never wanted anyone to see. But then why had he kept them for so long? How had they survived the attack at Haven when everything Cullen owned had been lost?

And who was Sam? 

Dorian kept reading. Some of the letters were innocuous, describing the Inquisitor’s more unusual companions, he even laughed at the paragraph about himself in the letter recounting what had happened at Redcliffe. 

-

_We’ve gained a Tevinter Magister Sam, can you believe it? Although he says he’s an Altus. I have no idea what that is but I can just imagine the looks on some of the old men’s faces if they saw the company I keep now! He’s nice though, maybe a little too smart. But sometime’s it’s nice to have someone to talk to._

-

Dorian didn’t know why he felt so honoured to be mentioned in this letter, it seemed ridiculous to feel that way. Sam was obviously Cullen’s previous lover. Every letter ended the same. 

-

_I love you Sam_

_CR_

-

It should feel strange. Who was Sam? Was he out there somewhere? In Kirkwall perhaps? Was Cullen planning to return to him when this was all over? 

The doubts were already clawing and Dorian continued to read.

- 

_Dear Sam,_

_I don’t even know why I’m writing this. I’ll probably never send it, and if I did would you even read it?_

_Lyrium withdrawal is hard Sam. So very hard. I understand better now what it must have been like after you were expelled from the Order. How you must have suffered. I blamed you and that… that was wrong of me Sam. I was wrong._

_I wish I could say this to your face. I wish I could send this letter. I wish I was braver Sam. You always said I was a coward, and even when you didn’t mean it you were right._

_I hope you’re safe Sammy, wherever you are. When all this is done I think I’ll try and find you. You might turn me away, but if I don’t try how will I ever forgive myself?_

_I love you Sammy._

_CR_

-

And there it was. Dorian didn’t know why he was surprised. Of course he was nothing more than the stop-gap, the comfort while Cullen pined after his Templar lover in Kirkwall. 

He felt bitter, angry. He wanted to pack his things and go back to his little room and pretend he didn’t know who the Commander even was. But he knew he wouldn’t. He was like Cullen in that regard. A coward. A weak-willed coward. Why would he always be doomed to this? Always second best.  

There was one more letter, folded small at the bottom of the drawer. Dorian almost didn’t read it. Why torture himself any more? But curiosity always did get the better of him. It was why he was here in the first place. 

The paper crinkled as he unfolded it, signs it had been wet and dried. The writing was scratchy, the ink blurred. As if something had dripped on it. 

Dorian read it. Then read it again. 

And suddenly he didn’t feel so angry as everything fell into place. Suddenly he just wanted to cry like how Cullen must have when he’d written it. 

-

_Samson._

_How could you?_

_CR_

_-_

The door to the tower opened, and Dorian didn’t even try to move or hide what he was doing. As Cullen climbed up into the loft his eyes trailed over the open drawer, the letters strewn on the bed, Dorian looking at him with a pained expression. 

"Dorian…" 

"I’m sorry." Dorian cut him off. "I’m sorry I read them. I know I shouldn’t have. I was putting my things away and… well… I got curious. It’s in my nature. Not a good part of it. I shouldn’t have broken your trust." Dorian took a breath, glancing up at Cullen. His expression was neutral, unreadable. 

"Okay." He finally said, sitting down on the bed with a bump. He looked… tired. Defeated. "I suppose you have questions?" 

"You… and Samson?" Dorian couldn’t help it. He wanted to understand. Because despite how confused he felt right now, he loved the man sitting beside him. 

"Yes." Cullen was looking pointedly at his knees. 

"Why didn’t you ever tell me?"

There was a long pause, then Cullen sighed heavily. “I was… ashamed. The man who attacked Haven wasn’t the Sam I knew. To cut down so many innocents… The Sam I knew would have never done that.” He looked up, away from Dorian to fix at a point on the wall. “I was hurt and angry. I closed myself off for a while. I was grieving a man who wasn’t even dead.” 

Dorian swallowed hard as an involuntary memory of Alexius played in his mind. He could understand that feeling better than he thought.

"I’d closed myself off. For weeks. Until, well, until you asked me if I wanted to play a game of chess."  Cullen was fidgeting, rubbing the back of his neck and still refusing to look at Dorian. "You… you made me smile again."

Dorian wanted to believe it. It was Cullen who’d kissed him first, after months of tip-toeing around each other. Cullen who had insisted it wasn’t a one-time thing. Cullen who’d asked him to move into his room. 

"Just… answer me one thing." Now it was Dorian’s turn to look away, down to those letters. "Was I your second choice?" 

"Dorian…" Cullen’s hand was on his own, the other tipping his chin so they were finally looking at each other. Honey brown meeting slate grey. "You were my only choice. You  _are_ my only choice.”

Dorian smiled. A small tentative smile. “Well… that’s something.” 

"I love you Dorian." 

"I know you do. I know." Dorian brushed a stray curl from Cullen’s forehead before chucking softly. "Now let’s get the rest of my things packed away, shall we?" 

-

Later on he saw Cullen fold the letters to Samson carefully, tying them with string as if he were to hand them to a messenger, and throw them onto the fire burning in the grate. 

Dorian hadn’t said a word, just held his hand until the letters had been sent.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr: http://stripeydani.tumblr.com/


End file.
